Another Drop In the Tip Jar
by Masked Doll Victoria
Summary: When a Vault Hunter comes to her with a seemingly inane quest from Claptrap, Mad Moxxie recounts how she met her newest lover. Gaige x Mad Moxxie Yuri


"Greetings, minion! Have you come to regal your master with tales of your daring exploits?"

"Come on Claptrap, I've got things to do, I'll talk to you later." The vault hunters are a serious and stern group, culled from among the most daring and brave adventurers in the galaxy, they often have little time for silly distractions, such as anything that comes out of the mouth of Pandora's last functioning Claptrap unit, in their drive to save the universe from the the vile monsters that pour forth from the vaults, and the secondary which consists mostly of a never ending quest for a slightly bigger gun

"Oh, so you'd rather get drunk then shoot some bandits in the face until they drop a gun that's slightly more powerful then the one your holding now?"

Claptraps monocular eye drooped into a state of forlorn sadness as his "minion" turned tail and began to walk away towards Moxxi's bar for a stiff drink and any leads on things that needed to be shot and/or set on fire.. There was little reason anyone would give him the time of day when their wasn't a quest to be completed or a monster to be slain. Such was the sorrow of the Pandora's most annoying resident

"That's it!" Claptrap exclaimed as he beat his best attempt at making a fist into air. "Minionnnnnnnnnnn~ I have a quest for you, so get your vault hunting butt over here so I can pay you actual money to accompany me for a time in a manner that is not at all sad or so depressing that I someday may look back at this and wonder are all the missions I give an excuse to get people to hang out with me?"

"You've got my attention." No proper vault hunter could ignore the promise of loot and cold, hard cash, even if it meant hanging out with Claptrap for the afternoon.

"Well then, loyal minion, do I ever have a story for you!" Claptrap nearly shouted in excitement over the fact that he had once more secured the attention of another living being. "I've heard rumor that Mad Moxxi has a new lover but nobodies sure just who it is, I want you to go figure it out and bring the info back to me!"

"So, let me get this straight, you want me to violate her privacy for the sake of cash?

"Yes."

"How much cash are we talking about?

"A butt load!"

As the exact dimensions of a Claptrap unit's butt and the maximum amount of cash that could be shoved into said butt into at anyone time was a subjective matter at best, it would be best assumed that Claptrap simply meant a large sum of money. Or he may have actually measured how much money he could shove up his butt, the excitement lingering on his robotic voice made both outcomes equally likely.

"Sounds good, just send the details to my ECHO device and I'll get right on it."

"That's what I like to hear, the quest details should be... there... right... about... now."

A sound like a ringing bell resonated from the vault hunter's hip as the mail containing the details of Claptrap's totally-not-made-up-on-the-spur-of-the-moment-because-I'm-lonely-and-no-one-likes-me quest arrived in her ECHO device and read as follows.

"Violating Moxxi's Privacy in the Rear"

"Rumor says that Mad Moxxi has herself a new lover! And, as celebrities aren't real people, it's our job to completely ignore her privacy and get to the bottom of the matter! Do anything in your power to dig up the truth and be rewarded with enough money to fill a large bathtub then swim around in!"

"Reward: A butt load of money"

"Sounds good, I'll talk to you when I'm done with all that, Claptrap."

"Very good, minion, invasion of personal space ho!"

"Stop that, your not cool enough, nor do you have the mustache, to pull off a archaic 19th century accent."

"Oh..."

As Claptrap once more wallowed in his own Olympic-sized swimming pool of self-loathing, the vault hunter once more resumed her journey to Moxxi's bar. Her head filled with images of a pile of green and all the guns it would eventually be transformed into via the wonders of capitalism.

Glittering with cheap lighting and filled with the sounds of Sanctuary's loud, and often drunk, denizens, Moxxi's bar offers it's patrons a strong drink and the best view in town, that being the third seat at the bar directly in front of Moxxi herself. It was on that very seat that the Vault Hunter sat, cash in her pocket and a dry tongue in her mouth.

"Yo, Moxxi, the usual." The Vault Hunter spoke as she stuffed a small amount of bills into Moxxi's perpetually full tipjar, pun not intended.

"Sure thing, sugar." Moxxi almost instantly produced a drink from between her legendary cleavage, an act made possible by the careful, and incredibly sexy, placement of a digistruct device. "But what brings you out this way? It's been ages."

"Well, Claptrap's got me on another stupid quest of his and I need some info that I'm pretty sure only you can provide."

The Vault Hunter took a sip of her drink and gave Moxxi her most innocent smile before returning to her explanation.

"So, can you help a girl out?"

"That depends, what's in it for me, sugar?" Moxxi bent forward as she spoke in a seductive manner, putting her ample chest directly in her customer's line of sight. Few people, regardless of gender, age, or anything else for that matter, could resist Moxxi's charm and such attacks were often the first step towards her getting exactly what she wanted.

Failing her will save by a huge, again no pun intended, margin, the vault hunter slipped another large bill into Moxxi's tip jar while silently hoping a "butt load" would be enough to cover the expense of coaxing information from someone was crafty as the legendary Mad Moxie.

"Thanks for the tip, hon." Moxie said with a smile. "Anyway, the robot's right. I've been dating this particular person for awhile now and, since you've been oh so generous today, I figure I can tell you the story behind that nasty little rumor. Sound good?"

"Sounds good..." The vault hunter managed, her head still spinning from Moxxi's dazzling display.

"Well, settle in and make yourself at home, this is going to take awhile..." Moxxi recollected, one hand firmly on her chin and an adorable "I'm thinking realllllllllly hard" expression on her face. "It all started when someone put a rather large amount of money into my tip jar..."


End file.
